Rookie Mistakes: Top Ten

We all have to start somewhere I guess, we were all a rookie at one stage.  Parenting is a hard job.  Rewarding, without a doubt.  But definitely not easy.  It is one that you don’t get  much guidance on and you really have to learn as you go.

Let’s face it, we have all been here at the end of a long day:

So here are my top ten rookie mistakes:

1. The Rookie mistake of the vests

When I first started out on the parenting journey I never even thought about why baby vests have open necks.

Roughly 12 months in, someone told me that the vest necks are open wide in the event of a poo explosion.

So rather than trying to negotiate the vest back over their head, or in the most extreme examples cut it off (yes I have been there), you can slip the vest down over the feet.  WHAAT!!!  Why is this not mentioned in antenatal class?

Pass the air freshener.

2. Going out without a change of clothes for mummy

I think the boys were only a month old when I made this rookie mistake.  We went out to meet a friend.  I packed a change of clothes for the boys but not for me.

Bob D was suffering from reflux at the time and was sick often, so this was a BIG mistake.   After feeding Bob D, and then him throwing up over himself.  He then threw up down my top.  I was drenched right through.  I had no change of clothes and a 20 minute drive home through busy London streets. That was not a good day.

3. Maternity Leave: Ah it is all coffee and cake

Oh man I want to go back and shake my pre-mummy self for thinking this.  I truly believed that maternity leave was going to be a breeze.  Ha!  How naive of me.  Especially as I knew I was having twins.  What. Was. I. Thinking???

Those first months are the hardest I have ever endured.  Sleep deprivation causes your brain to malfunction, you cant think straight.  You can’t even see straight.

I did stupid things like try to put the kettle into the fridge, then wondering why it wouldn’t fit.  My husband took the thermostat to work instead of his phone.   It fries your brain.

You are lucky to have the energy to get out of your PJ’s and have a shower.  As for going out for coffee and cake, that is like mission impossible.

4. Newborn babies will sleep on their own…

When I was pregnant I thought that sleepless nights would be like this:

  • Baby wakes up and gurgles softly to wake me from my slumber
  • Feed baby
  • Burp baby
  • Lay baby down in the cot
  • Baby gurgles softly and goes to sleep
  • Marvel at their beauty and what a wonderful parent I am
  • Go back to sleep

I was, of course, conveniently forgetting that I was having twins and they would not always be awake at the same time.

My reality was more like this:

  • Baby wakes up
  • Baby screams the house down
  • Eventually manage to get baby to latch on
  • Baby unlatches
  • Baby screams house down
  • He latches on again (repeat 100 times over)
  • Burp baby
  • Put baby down in cot
  • Baby screams house down
  • Pick up baby
  • Rock baby and sing every song my sleep-deprived brain can remember
  • Put baby back in cot
  • Baby screams house down (repeat 100 times over)
  • Eventually baby goes to sleep
  • Just as I am dosing off, baby number 2 wakes up.
  • Repeat continuously throughout the night.

 

5. Potty training: It is an overnight job

I am assuming most of you have read my potty training post.  If not check it out here.

When I was starting to think about potty training, I thought I would wait until I had a few days at home with them.  Train them and they would be dry within a week.

I know that some people have been fortunate enough that this worked out for them.  I am guessing that good timing had more to do with that than anything else.

It took years for me to potty train my children, mainly because they were not ready.  Even now they are having accidents.  As I mentioned to my blogging friend Gemma at Life is Knutts, only last week Bob L pooped on the floor and then sat on it. Yep that is right, sat on it.  Grim times.

6. I am in charge

Ha ha ha!!  I am in charge.  I still like to think I am.  When I asked the boys who was in charge this morning, guess what they said?  Mummy?  NO.  Daddy?  NO.

Apparently they both think Bob L is in charge of us all.  I have to say I think they might be right.

7. Buying to many baby clothes

When I was pregnant I went overboard on baby clothes.  I mean completely overboard.  If I had my time again I would be way more sensible.  What I didn’t appreciate is that children grow.  Quickly.  I don’t think they wore half of what I bought them.  Talk about burning money…

8. I will clean the house when the kids are sleeping

Yeah, once again I didn’t appreciate that I would be sleep deprived.  Or even what that was.  Before hand when I said I was tired I really meant: “couldn’t be bothered”, or “been out partying too much”.  Then along came proper sleep deprivation.

This meant on the few occasions when the babies napped at the same time, there was no way I was going to go all Wonderwoman and clean the house.

Definitely not….I was going to sleep… or watch rubbish TV.

9. Thinking I will get out the house on time

I really feel the need to refer you this hilarious video.  Just to say I am NOT a Michael McIntyre fan, but he has pretty much nailed this on the head:

I don’t think I need to say much more.  Suffice to say,nearly four years into my parenting journey, I am ALWAYS late leaving the house.

10. Baby books contain ALL the answers

I bought so many baby books, I read them religiously and made notes.  This was all while pregnant of course, I had no time for extended baby book reading and note making later on.

What I didn’t appreciate is that all children are different.  Being a twin mummy, has brought this home to me.

Baby books are fine, they are a great source of information and ideas.  But, every parent has to take their child’s personality, likes, dislikes and fears into account.

 

So there you have it, my top ten rookie mistakes.  I am sure there are loads more to come.  As the monkeys grow up I am making new mistakes all the time!!

I would love to hear about your rookie mistakes in the comments.

We all have to start somewhere. Here are my top ten Rookie Parenting Mistakes!
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58 Comments

  1. 8th July 2016 / 1:26 pm

    This brings back some (bad!) memories 🙂 Thankfully I’ve made it through most of these unscathed and I can tell you it does get SO much easier!! I feel like this should be handed out in every delivery suite (or maybe schools as ‘family planning’?) 🙂 #TheList

  2. 2nd June 2016 / 8:31 pm

    I thought that a baby wouldn’t change my life, that they would fit in round us. And while they do to an extent I am far too scared to mess with their sleep routine to risk too much! The books, oh I believed those books, I used to cry down the phone to the husband saying why oh why oh why is he not sleeping THE BOOK SAYS h should. It took a while and my husband throwing the books away to get that one stopped…..

    • Double the Monkey Business
      10th June 2016 / 9:41 pm

      I am still guilty of taking the books to much to heart. Tonight, as I rubbed my little ones back as he couldn’t sleep, I thought to myself Super-nanny would be horrified. But, he just couldn’t get to sleep and needed settled. xxx

  3. 2nd June 2016 / 7:40 pm

    This post made me giggle. I just love the Gifs in it! I only recently learned about the vest thing as well! Bit of a life changer I’d say! Thanks for sharing with us on #fortheloveofBLOG x

    • Double the Monkey Business
      10th June 2016 / 9:42 pm

      It is a game changer that is for sure 🙂 xxx

  4. 31st May 2016 / 8:16 pm

    Well, you’ve taught me something with this post. I’ve had three kids and didn’t realise that the large necks on vests were so you could take them off downward in the event of a poonami! I didn’t even think of doing it but now you’ve said it, it’s obvious!

    • Double the Monkey Business
      1st June 2016 / 12:53 pm

      It is making me feel so much better that so many other people didn’t know about the vests!! They should come with instructions. xx

  5. 31st May 2016 / 3:11 pm

    My children are older now, 10, 8 and 4. But I was very naive when I had my first. My house was always a complete mess, I became very disorganised. And I never knew about the vest thing either. Sarah #FabFridayPost

    • Double the Monkey Business
      1st June 2016 / 12:54 pm

      Me too, I was completely disorganised and not prepared at all for what was to come!! xx

  6. 31st May 2016 / 7:23 am

    Brilliant! I think I made all of these mistakes at some point! Glad I’m not the only one. #fabfridaypost

      • Double the Monkey Business
        1st June 2016 / 12:55 pm

        🙂 xx

    • Double the Monkey Business
      1st June 2016 / 12:55 pm

      It is nice to know that I am not alone 🙂 xxx

  7. 30th May 2016 / 11:31 pm

    Loved this. The video was hilarious, and I must admit I laughed at the part where Bob L sat in the poop (sorry!).
    Thanks for linking up to #BloggerClubUK 🙂
    Debbie

    • Double the Monkey Business
      1st June 2016 / 12:56 pm

      Once I had cleaned the floor (and Bob L) up I did see the funny side. It was right after my potty training post as well ha ha! x

  8. 29th May 2016 / 11:13 pm

    Haha I giggled my way through these, so true! I still forget to take a spare top for me xx

    • Double the Monkey Business
      1st June 2016 / 12:57 pm

      I continued to forget to take spare clothes with me, I have to admit! x

  9. 29th May 2016 / 6:43 pm

    Ah the old vest trick for poop – I have to say on occasions I have also just cut the vest off (sometimes there is just too much poop and that bright yellow stain is NEVER coming out) and I totally feel you on the potty training saga. One day I will pick my son up from preschool in the same clothes and he won’t run out to me and say loudly that he has a poo in in his pants… #fortheloveofBLOG

    • Double the Monkey Business
      1st June 2016 / 1:01 pm

      Even after I knew about the necks on vests, there were still some that had to be cut off ha ha! xx

  10. 28th May 2016 / 11:01 pm

    I literally love this post Yvonne. It’s awesome!!!
    I had no sodding idea about the vest thing either…what is wrong with me?! So many poo in their hair incidents could’ve been avoided if only I’d known sooner!!!
    X

    • Double the Monkey Business
      1st June 2016 / 3:32 pm

      Thank you! Featured on #bloggerclubuk this week too, very excited about that! x

  11. 28th May 2016 / 11:33 am

    My first outing with Abbey was to Chessington (don’t ask) and she threw up all over me – I am thankful that I had a change of top. You soon learn the lessons the hard way though

  12. 28th May 2016 / 7:54 am

    I first watched that Michael McIntyre sketch and Christmas and came very close to actually wetting myself I laughed so much. I have done nearly all of those, why don’t they tell you about the vests, why! It was a revelation when I found out but he was nearly out of them by then. #fortheloveofBLOG

    • Double the Monkey Business
      1st June 2016 / 3:34 pm

      I have watched it so many time now, he is definitely talking about my life! x

  13. 27th May 2016 / 9:09 pm

    I don’t have children but I did cackle all the way through this, I can only imagine truth v reality x

    • Double the Monkey Business
      1st June 2016 / 3:36 pm

      ha ha, oh yes reality is very different. Thanks for reading xxx

  14. 27th May 2016 / 8:54 pm

    Amazing post, and I laughed out loud at number one. Five babies later and I never even knew about the vest thing until a few months back when I saw it on a social media post! I had no idea!! All of those times my kids got poo smeared up their back and in their hair, completely un-necessary!! Who knew??!

    • Double the Monkey Business
      1st June 2016 / 3:36 pm

      In the hair is the worst!! It really is! Nightmare to get out… x

  15. 27th May 2016 / 8:47 pm

    Very amusing (especially the vests) thank you for sharing!

    • Double the Monkey Business
      1st June 2016 / 3:37 pm

      Thanks for reading 🙂 x

    • Double the Monkey Business
      1st June 2016 / 3:37 pm

      It was pretty funny, so saving that for his 18th birthday speech!! I will remember everything lol! x

  16. 27th May 2016 / 5:42 pm

    These made me smile and can you believe I never knew about the vests and I have four children lol xx

    • Double the Monkey Business
      27th May 2016 / 5:56 pm

      Oh no, we really need to spread the word…. I have heard a lot of people say the same thing xxx

  17. 27th May 2016 / 5:05 pm

    I learnt the hard way to never have any contact with babies or toddlers without a change of clothes with me. It was a Ghastly bus ride home. Ghastly.

    • Double the Monkey Business
      27th May 2016 / 5:54 pm

      Oh no, at least I know I am good company for learning the hard way 🙂 x

  18. 27th May 2016 / 3:02 pm

    Hehe, I was nodding along to all of these. I am always running late since becoming a mum – it doesn’t matter if she’s with me, or if I’m leaving her behind. Some sort of bodily fluid catastrophe always seems to be waiting… 🙂

    • Double the Monkey Business
      27th May 2016 / 3:07 pm

      Ha ha, glad it is not just me!! To be honest I was pretty bad at being on time before the kids, now I have no chance… 🙂 x

  19. 26th May 2016 / 8:27 pm

    This is all so so true, I nodded along the whole time haha. How naive we are! Especially not knowing about the vests, I didn’t realise until A was well over a year old. Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays. Kaye xo

    • Double the Monkey Business
      27th May 2016 / 3:11 pm

      I think that info should be in the bounty packs you get 🙂 x

  20. 25th May 2016 / 2:50 pm

    Yup I have done all of these, also one of mine is thinking children will happily sit in the pushchair while shopping as well as letting them walk as ther will go whoever you want them too. Haha never! #bloggerclubuk xx

    • Double the Monkey Business
      27th May 2016 / 3:16 pm

      Ha ha, yes I have had that too! I should add it to the list 🙂 x

  21. 24th May 2016 / 3:17 am

    This is ace. I totally made most of these errors in judgement. Why don’t they put a little diagram on the envelope body suits to explain? It’s like the pokey bit on tomato paste and toothpaste to help you open. There’s no point in adding an extra helpful feature that no one knows about!

    #fartglitter

    • Double the Monkey Business
      27th May 2016 / 4:47 pm

      Ha ha, yes absolutely no point in adding helpful extras and not telling us 🙂 x

  22. 23rd May 2016 / 10:51 pm

    Elmo on the potty=priceless. Love the idea of cleaning the house when the kids are sleeping. What a joke. If I even had the faintest amount of energy to do such an ungodly thing, the threat of ANY NOISE waking tiny was enough to stop me in my (already exhausted) tracks. Love it!

    • Double the Monkey Business
      27th May 2016 / 4:47 pm

      Oh yes, the noise that is the other thing. Not worth the risk! x

  23. 23rd May 2016 / 9:09 pm

    So true, brilliant take on parenting! If only everyone knew all this.

    • Double the Monkey Business
      27th May 2016 / 4:53 pm

      It really is a learn on the job thing isn’t it? x

  24. 23rd May 2016 / 7:54 pm

    This is fab! Great gifs there too, I am a fan of your work!! Every point was spot on and I don’t even have twins. I do remember settling the baby and the toddler waking and vice versa though. I wanted to weep! I also spent far too much on clothes…….for my first, now I am a super savvy sales shopper and they look awesome on a budget! 😉 #bigpinklink

    • Double the Monkey Business
      27th May 2016 / 4:55 pm

      Ah thank you hun! There is so much you can get on a budget, I just wish I could go back and tell my pre-mummy self that 🙂 x

  25. 23rd May 2016 / 5:59 pm

    Great read. I am NEVER out of the house on time, and cleaning when the kids are sleep never happens. When they are sleep I finally get a break I’m not spending that cleaning. There were a few times I wished I had extra clothes for me. #bigpinklink

    • Double the Monkey Business
      27th May 2016 / 4:56 pm

      Oh yes, especially if it is the only break you will get in a day! X

  26. 23rd May 2016 / 5:31 pm

    Oh man , how you managed all that with 2 of them!! Big pat on the back!
    Luckily sleep has been something my monster has been good at, and thankfully I didn’t buy any baby books. But wholeheartedly agree with all the rest!
    Hands down to you!
    #fartglitter

    • Double the Monkey Business
      27th May 2016 / 4:57 pm

      Thanks! It was a steep learning curve. There was actually one book that was great, it was a day-to-day pregnancy guide book. That was the only one that I found useful! x

  27. 23rd May 2016 / 3:58 pm

    Love this and that Michael McIntyre sketch is amazing! I took my baby out the other day and he had a massive poo explosion and I was so glad I had clothes for him but he also pooed all over me and I didn’t have a change of clothes for me – I spent the whole day at the farm park covered in poo! Massive fail! xx #MarvMondays

    • Double the Monkey Business
      27th May 2016 / 4:58 pm

      I have watched it over and over, he really does it spot on! Covered in poo definitely trumps sick ! xx

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